Last night I started my volunteer work with Cinema Tropical as I want to get involve in the art/film scene again. After recording a public conversation between two prominent filmmakers, one from Argentina and one from New York, we headed to the Washington Square Café for a glass of wine. In a way, Carlos and Lucila represent a certain influence for me. They are two well-respected film/art promoters who carved their work in New York after coming from Mexico 6 years before me. Like me, they chose to live in this city and call it home. - What is not to love about New York? - Carlos said repeatedly while biting pieces of garlic that tasted like olives. Lucila has it clear; she has never doubted why she moved here, “I always hoped to be taken out of Mexico”. As for me, I just knew I will live here, in the same way I thought I knew I will be a filmmaker. I’m not sure anymore.

I haven’t talked about my first months in New York for a long time. It’s funny when you remember places and events, and what it makes you feel right in the top of your belly. We used to live and work at an old building on 14^th street and 8^th avenue. Everyone living in the building had come to NY after graduation as volunteers to develop community projects; I was producing documentaries for public television. For all our hard work we received school credit and a $50 monthly stipend. It’s funny to think how we managed to build our way up in New York in such a small budget. I still can recall the squeaky sound of the wooden floors, the waterless sinks in every bedroom, the shared shower and how scary it was to touch its walls with bare skin, the cat living on the shelves of the kitchen, the pit-bull sleeping on the hallways, the rats on the basement and the homeless guys smoking crack on the roof. It was New York and we expected it to be tough. I miss the excitement of being new to the city, and the countless opportunities it might bring.

Genoveva and I tried wedding dresses at a sample sale this weekend even when wearing one for real will be very scary. She has been living with her boyfriend for more than 4 years and just decided to tie the knot; not in a small cocktail, but the big thing, church and all. The first time someone proposed to me was at a Japanese restaurant; I’d just eaten a tuna-avocado roll and I had an urgent need to vomit. My boyfriend at the time fainted after asking the question blaming the magic mushrooms he had previously eaten that afternoon. The second time was not like a real proposition. In fact, I asked Victor to ask me if I wanted to get married with him. I’m not sure if I want to actually do it, I just wanted to get asked. In any case, we still need to get Geno’s dress, something that looks like a wedding gown without being one. That makes her not to feel a bride, but someone that is just getting married. I already bought the dress to wear at her party.

I was crossing 2^nd avenue this morning, already late for work, when a guy approached me and said “you are very beautiful”. I thanked him, smiled, and continue my way to get the usual 75-cent coffee from the Egyptian vendor. I have to say, the glow of such nice words is still floating around me. In the meantime Oscar is home resting his chicken pox while Laura and Pepe are still looking for a job in such a harsh scenario. We should say sweet things to and about other people more often; life will be way nicer.

 

I love spending time in my new bedroom.

We were trying to watch a movie but the projector failed. Laura, who is the only person that can make it work is already sleeping, so we resigned to the possibility of going to bed without watching the end of the film. My stomach is complaining as a result of eating too many peanuts while Oscar tries to solve the problem by gently tapping the back of the projector. Today was a nice day. Pepe and I walked around Soho and discovered 2 lofts dedicated to showing Walter de Maria’s work: hundreds of paralleled golden bars, and a 2 room apartment filled with humid soil. Both spaces opened during the late 70’s, and the idea that they survived the real state boom made them more interesting.

Sdenka and I went dancing to Mongo’s in Sopocachi after a long day of work. A couple of Brazilian gay men were dancing by us and I couldn’t stop staring at them. Somehow they reminded me of the great proximity of cultures you feel in South America, against the lack of diversity in Mexico, and the lack of interest from the US to Latin American cultures. The US behaves like the spoiled cousin and rarely or never acknowledges the influence it has received from the south, while dismissing the richness of its 34 neighbors.

My tongue got burned with the chicken broth and I’m still adjusting to the altitude of Bolivia. I drink coca tea wishing time goes by quickly so I can be back home, even more so to be with Victor sometime in March. I watch a dubbed version of The Doors and Val Kilmer talks about orgies and Greek myths in Spanish. Outside people cheer after a soccer match between the main Bolivian teams. I need to go to bed.

Our skin was dripping wet and we were driving on the coastline from our hotel to the beach with the big black pelicans. We still had the bottle of Veuve-Clicquot Victor had bought for New Year’s Eve, so we decided to open and drink it while taking our little ride through the rocky highway. We played a French disco song from the 90’s over and over again. The effect of the champagne didn’t last that long, and by the time we were back on the sand, we had sweated it all out.

It is already January 12^th and I still haven’t written anything. The New Year came with high hopes and resolutions even when I received it laying on a couch after a bad indigestion for eating everything I could in Mexico. And even when welcoming the year while getting the chills through my spine wasn’t the most thrilling experience, I’ve been feeling that a new cycle just opened and somehow I’ve got the energy to start changing things around. Capuchi and Pepe helped to paint my bedroom; transforming it into a white box after being olive green for 4 years, and I already started a deep cleaning throwing away the kind of things that remind you about your unfinished projects and ideas. This will be a good year.