Do you still miss me and think about me? Do you still consider staying by me? Do you consider me in your plans? Does it matters?
Sent at 10:03 PM
Time passes by, and will keep doing so regardless what we choose.
Sent at 10:05 PM
If we are not careful we will keep living in this transitory order, in which we decided to be but are not fully enjoying
Sent at 10:06 PM
I want to be with you, but I feel how time melts away, and the idea of being together one day is draining with it.
Sent at 10:12 PM on Thursday

I’m stuffing grapes into my mouth while I’m complaining as usual. Maria Jose sent me a text from Ronald Sukenick intended to shut up my whining and bear in mind that there will always be someone more miserable than you, or than me. At the end of the day life if hard, even for us with all our multiple options (or just the idea of having them, which I’m starting to believe that they are as the backdrop of a theater play, great landscapes but unreal). I’m getting my hand into the zip-lock bag to get the green grapes that are way below the red ones. I don’t like red grapes with seeds, although my mother says seeds are good for the skin.

I'm very tired and my arm is swollen. Today I got the Hepatitis A and B vaccines, and Mexico won a bronze medal for synchronized diving at the Olympics. As always it takes me a while to adjust after a trip.

Listening to "Three Days" by Jane's Addiction while Victor gets his haircut a few blocks away. The past week I attended the International Aids Conference in Mexico City, overwhelmed by the amount of seminars, plenaries, workshops and presentations. The one I enjoyed the most was titled "The Writer's Perspective", with some writers disclousure on being HIV positive, and their role as creators and artists to bring something else to the disease besides the scientific, activist or statistic approach. Giving "living with HIV" a sentiment, a reflexion, a condition along with the others that makes us human.

I have two more days left with Victor. We are having breakfast at La Selva, scambled eggs with ham and coffee. I can drink coffee now, the parania has disappeared after years of feeling allergic to caffeine.

Victor and I met Diego by chance while eating at a terrible coffee shop in La Condesa. His girlfriend left him with a broken heart a month ago because she met a Brazilian guy while translating manuscripts in India. We talked for hours about love, fate and decisions, and we walked to a Mezcaleria at Campeche Street to drink beer and Mezcal. Diego said that Mezcal heals the heart, so he had four shots. Arolinne and David -in their "it's complicated" relationship- joined us later while the boom box played "Melina". I love my friends. Victor is now sleeping while I'm writing still wet from the rain. Diego quit his job at the Mexican Federal Governmet Press and will be traveling to the Patagonia to piece himself back together. He will avoid Brazil; at least for now.

the other side of the river

I recently met a couple that have never left Manhattan after living in New York for 2 years. My friend Sol had some Ecuadorian students that haven't left Queens to visit Manhattan after 6 years.   

My Wish

Probably then it will go by a little bit slower.

Does anyone avoid mirrors? I don’t anymore; I always stare at my reflection guiltlessly. I remember the first anti-wrinkle cream I bought about 6 years ago and how ashamed I was for my vanity. Time has passed and now I’m totally in for the high-heels and boots replacing every pair of converse in my closet. I still cannot wear lipstick; my lips are too thin and painting them just makes it evident.

I took this picture 2 ½ years ago at lunch time. The day after I took it I flew to Mexico for the first time after four years. I was very nervous to go home after such a long stay in New York, and I was trying to capture the everyday life that surrounded me back then.

The promise of writing at least once a day is broken, probably it was pretentious, or it means that writing in English takes a lot of energy and stresses me. Still, I will continue trying to write in a language other than Spanish, and will pursue my goal of posting once a day.

I came back from Mexico missing my people, and it took me a couple of days to get into my New York routine. I’ll be flying to Mexico City this coming Friday, happy to visit Victor but a little annoyed that again I will loose my rhythm. Everyone thinks that traveling a lot must be very cool, but for me it sometimes means paying for classes I can never attend, start exercise practices that never succeed, and get sick with all the food, weather and time changes.

My friend Nacho came to visit. We were best friends during high school, when we both smoked pot and enjoyed having long conversations about life at 17. Now we are 30, he is loosing his hair and I’m afraid of hangovers. We don’t talk about the meaning of life anymore; we just discuss the best ways to open a new business and how to take decisions that will lead us to a life where wearing a 3-piece suit, being creative and enjoying the spare time could be fit into the same sentence.