Today I felt like staying home. Apathetic about meeting new people or about seeing the old and known faces from the Mexican artsy-film world.  I blamed cramps and justified myself for staying home. I read the newspaper; about The Class, the French movie that won at Cannes, and about Warren Buffett and the history of his investments.  The key word Warren says is focus. That is of course if you already know what you want; he wanted money. 

I watched Lisbon Story again last night and as always it made me feel nostalgic of something that hasn't happened yet.

I spent more than $40 for dinner tonight, way more than I was supposed to, and certainly more than what I paid for a meal from Trader Joe’s last week. I have another $40 for the rest of the month and I’m sure I’ll need to dive into my savings account to get through.

I ate a great porchetta sandwich for dinner at Yolanda’s friend/boyfriend new restaurant in the East Village. Now I have to deal with a full stomach and the guilt that my tummy is getting bigger. I like when women look sexy regardless their weight; when they know that sensuality comes from below the skin. I will read a few pages of my book on Mexican politics before going to bed.

Today feels like yesterday, and like the day before yesterday, and the one before. When someone asks me how I’ve been, I can proudly say I’m fine, although I have no news to deliver. Being fine means you are doing much better than most people.

Things do get better, eventually.

Little E is 7 months old. Her mother has been my friend since highschool and the last person I could imagine with a baby. E’s father took all his furniture from their house today, so her mother has to figure out a way to build a (pretty) home for them again.

What if we take a bath together? Do you mean like brother and sister? I’ve seen this movie 30 times, and I still get anxious. Yolanda, Oscar, Laura and I are debating whether we’ll stick with the husband or the lover; 3 of us picked the husband. I had dinner with Maria Jose and after a long conversation we agreed on the necessity of gratitude as part of our emotional survival kit. On a more visceral note, we coincided on the strange pleasure of watching the markets plummeting, and the pictures of Lehman Brothers staff carrying their cardboard boxes outside their Times Square office. Are we getting close to hitting the bottom? We are scarily waiting for the economic crisis to strike us.

We’ve been hanging the mirrors on the walls as a way to capture every bit of light possible. I’ve been trying to convince Marco that art belongs to no one, just to itself, so he will agree to sell me another engraving by Jose Fors. I’ve also been thinking in ways to improve my life at the cubicle. It will be great to have a bit of sunlight, a few plants and birdcages. It will be even greater to take down the walls so I can actually see and talk to Sylvia and Mark. Can’t we just work from Bryant Park?

I'm waiting for Pepe to call so we can meet at the Thai place for dinner. It's the end of the summer and things already feel different. The violence in Bolivia has shifted my travel plans, and gave my work in this country a new meaning. Most likely I'll be there in October launching a 3-year program, and hoping that peace replaces the calm tension.
10:54 PM - We had green curry with chicken, coconut rice and vegetable dumplings, and later we watched a Jean Cocteau's movie from 1930. I want to write a script about silence and film it with my 8mm camera.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss -

My trip to Bolivia was put on hold as a result of the political unrest. 

Victor is probably drawing circles on a notepad while talking to his partners on the phone. Meanwhile I watch an illustration of cats living inside oranges while listening to an old song by Sigur Ros which makes me feel good. I had a great Sunday two days ago when I visited the Louise Bourgeois exhibition and bought my first art piece, a print from Jose Fors. I liked Louise’s sense of humor and the way her work matures over time on her recurring list of personal memories and issues. Everybody has issues, but not everyone knows how to make something beautiful out of it. I asked Queta how she thought beauty remained and manifested during or after chaos, she hesitated without giving me an answer.

Mark mentioned my blog had a sad nature. I don’t want to come across as a nostalgic person, so I will try to write differently. (Suddenly I had a strange feeling in my stomach). What should I write about? (Long wait trying to get some ideas). Brandon emailed from London missing New York. I will be traveling to Bolivia in a week. This is boring. I will write my wish list for the weekend: getting a massage, brush my hair, wake up late, have brunch with friends, buy a cool pair of shoes and other autumn/winter clothes, go to a street market, pet a dog, listen to the entire Magic Flute opera, pretend to read the newspaper and walk from the Upper West Side to Chinatown stopping just to eat a vanilla/chocolate cupcake.

Not so long ago I decided I will stay in New York. It was a big decision, especially since it took me 6 years to realize it and to buy a proper bed. For some people I know taking this decision is still unnecessary, as they think they can go back home as soon as they need to (which only helps to keep a peace of mind, but is never a real option).
The summer is almost over and our house already suffered its first transformation. Brandon and Pepe left the same day, Brandon to London and Pepe to his own house a few blocks away from mine. Laura will stay only for September, and Yolanda will come and join us for a couple of months. We can never get bored, but we always feel a little strange sadness when someone leaves.